Your Wind Song Stays On (What’s Left of) My Mind
And other things I’d rather forget.
“I can’t seem to forget you. Your Windsong stays on my, Windsong stays on my, Windsong stays on my mind.”
I’d do anything to drive that jingle from my mind. Now that I’m 50, and forgetting words for common objects like “house,” my brain doesn’t have room for 1970s relics. Here are some other things that have stayed on my mind since my first unfortunate encounter with them.
“Simple Simon Says” by the 1910 Fruitgum Company. They also tortured us with “1–2–3 Redlight” and “Indian Giver,” a song that not only maligns Native Americans but one’s cerebral cortex. Simple Simon says get electroshock therapy to wipe these tunes from memory. I wonder if my health plan covers that.
For some reason I frequently recall a commercial with a famous fashion designer in it. He begins the spot by saying “My name — dramatic pause — is Emilio Pucci.” I can’t seem to forget that ad, either. Emilio Pucci stays on my mind.
The shampoo “Gee, Your Hair Smells Terrific.” No man in recorded history, or even pre-history, had ever uttered these words until this shampoo came out, and then only on the TV commercial. Anyway, if a man ever did say such a thing in seriousness to a woman, she would probably call the police.
There was also a commercial where a man would become so infatuated with a woman on the street that he’d chase her down and give her flowers. “If a strange man offers you flowers, he’s acting on Impulse.” Today that would be called stalking, and he’d probably get Maced.
I bought my wife some Rive Gauche perfume in an Yves St. Laurent store on Madison Avenue once and the clerk deigned to inform me that it was “Mr. Laurent’s signature scent.” Now I always repeat that interesting nugget to my wife when she wears it. She thinks I’m trying to drive her insane, but I’m just trying to rid my brain of Mr. Laurent.
Then there’s the Irish Spring deodorant soap commercials. In it, a woman in a thick, fake Irish brogue would declare to her husband, “Manly yes, but I like it, too.” For some reason, they showered outside a lot in the Ireland of those commercials.
Nowadays technology makes it easy for us to choose what we watch and listen to. We’re the boss. We zip through commercials on Tivo, or listen to singles or WBFO podcasts we download onto iPods. The hegemony of channels 2, 4 and 7 has been broken. My children will never have to watch a couple riding white horses in a field of flowers in soft focus for Jontue. The man, by the way, was wearing a cape. And they’ll never have to endure a woman saying “All my men wear English Leather…or they wear nothing at all.” English Leather. By the way, that’s my signature scent.